In a box in our guest room, well we actually don’t call it that we call it our Nerf room because of the wall of Nerf guns, is a box full of prayer journals that go back to 1995. There are unfortunately periods of time in the last 22 years that are completely missing. I wish I could say they where lost in a flood or a fire but unfortunately they represent times when I wasn’t seeking God as diligently as I should have been. Some of those missing time periods are very long too, years even. Times when I decided not to take the time out everyday to write out what God was doing in my life, times when I got out of the habit of daily coming before the Lord with all my burdens, with my praise, with my prayers for myself and others. It’s unfortunate because it’s wasted time I could have been growing but I wasn’t, times when I was adrift and not looking to be connected deeply with my Lord and Savior.
In the picture I posted are 2 journal entrees, one is from 3/29/17 and it was the first page of a brand new journal. It’s also words written as prayers to God just before Bronwyn texted me about Kenya for the very first time. I know you can’t read it, deciphering my writing is next to impossible. I joke with Bronwyn all the time that when I die it’s her job to make a book out of all it, good luck. But what it says is amazingly profound, I won’t type it all but I did pray/write:
“I pray for new paths, new joy in new work. Not only for me but for us. May we have new paths, new joy in new work. Am I too bold to ask these things?
move quickly and clearly
move in a way that it can only be from God that others will see and rejoice
ground us so we won’t be tempted to fall away, support and love
use us in our gifting together.”
This is what I prayed just before my beautiful wife send me the “wanna move to Kenya” text. I don’t think I even really need to go into much after that. Whenever any doubts creep into my head about Kenya I just think back on this and am absolutely content that we are in the center of God’s will.
Now what about the other journal in the picture? Well for starters it says “New Beginning” at the top. That seems to be a recurring theme with the first page of journals. But I did write this:
“Lord I am to give up my all, every bit of personal (stock?) my own flesh and life in service to you.”
I was obviously very dramatic in 1997 but the words are still true. I am thankful that even though I have had times away from God he was never through with me. Even when I didn’t live for Him he died for me. We don’t deserve His love and that’s kind of the point, it’s a free gift and I can’t wait to tell people about that gift in Africa.